Lemonade & Bicycles

A friend of mine once said that one way to get over being in a poor mood is to smile a lot, but though i've tried this tactic numerous times over the last few years, i think it only succeeds in making me happy that i'm in unhappy, and thus since yesterday i'm still in a sour state.

In other news, over the past month i've mixed 80 lbs of concrete and 50 lbs of plaster. I estimate that's a fifth of what i need to fix the quarter of the basement i'm working on. It will look quite nice - if different and unuseable - in about two months.

Eve

Standing in line with a 50 lb bag of concrete and a couple of crescent wrenches, the cashier asks me, "Not buying Christmas gifts this year?" I thought, if anywhere, Home Depot would have considered concrete worthy of being a Christmas gift. In other thoughts, i wonder how often Armstrong bikes home with 50 lb of concrete, and frozen brakes. I should really keep my bike indoors.

Gone

At 9:15am on Wednesday December 16, 2009, i had my 4 wisdom teeth removed. It went rather well - i was at work 90 minutes later. Showed up with blood on my face and couldn't talk for hours, but no one at work seemed surprised by those details. 4 days later and i'm still doing quite well.

Reviews

For those of you wondering how the 2 weeks volunteering in crocodile research went, here's the letter i'm sending to Earthwatch, maybe with some edits once i'm more awake.

An Open Letter to the Decision Makers at Earthwatch

I volunteered in the November 2009 expedition of Crocodiles of the Zambezi, run in the field by Audrey Detoeuf-Boulade and Kevin Wallace. The first time I met Audrey and Kevin was at the beginning of the expedition, and am writing to express my admiration for the two; they form a phenomenal, invaluable team.

Audrey and Kevin are both capable of handling a wide range of technical problems. Whether it is engine issues, food/lodging logistics, health concerns, or simply getting water, they are unfazed by the adversities of life in the bush, responsive to all problems that arise, and relentless in their pursuit of getting the work done. And both cook great meals, even with minimal utilities when necessary.

Along with fantastic field skills, both have the social and managerial skills to handle all manner of personal and personnel issues. They are enjoyable people to simply hold a conversation with but can take charge when needed. In handling employees, interacting with locals, or managing volunteers, Audrey and Kevin perfect that elusive combination of true professionals, great leaders, and wonderful friends.

And still there is more to Audrey and Kevin – they excel as scientists and teachers. Both show profound dedication to their fields, knowledge of their areas, a thirst to discover more, and a desire to better their environment. They are willing to explain all the details of their work yet are receptive to new ideas and suggestions. And while both demonstrate a deep understanding of the science, they are also capable of providing simplified explanations for the lay person. These are the kind of scientists that truly make the world a better place.

Thus, if Audrey and Kevin should ever ask Earthwatch for funding, please accept them without hesitation. And should they not come to you in the near future, it is in Earthwatch’s best interest to actively pursue them. This is a couple that will greatly benefit any organization they are associated with.


Sincerely,


Francisco Luis Roque

Yes, Kev and Auds are that cool.

Copenhagen

Based on usage figures from the World's entry in the CIA World Factbook, some random calculation on the efficiency of solar panels and their cost, and some other figures on the conversion of oil and natural gas to electricity, i am looking to raise $201 trillion in order to solve our Climate Change (with the snow outside, that's a much better phrase than "Global Warming") problem - $200 trillion for the solar panels and $1 trillion towards utterly conquering Western Sahara, which will then be completely covered in the requisite panels.

Yes, that's right, today we can assure all our energy needs are met by renewable (for the next 5 billion years, give or take) solar energy by covering 262000 square kilometers with solar panels. Conveniently, Western Sahara is 266000 square km, is rather sunny, and doesn't have much of a government, so we can invade, set up a stable government and some solar panels, and save the world.

Still not sure how to distribute that power around the world, but after dropping $200 trillion on panels, i expect the vendor to solve that one for free. Then there's that incovenient conversion of existing petrol and oil devices to run on electricity, but i can't solve everything tonight - watch for a future post.

Fixings & Changes

Work had a summer retreat at my boss's house - the pisco i brought seemed a big hit. While leaving the bathroom (not related to the pisco), i noticed that the doorknob was a little loose, so i used my Leatherman to tighten it up. Five years ago i wouldn't have even noticed it. Fifteen years ago i would have loosened it more.

Riverside

Saw a black squirrel in Gallup Park this morning. I know they occur in large numbers elsewhere in the state, but this was the first i've seen in Ann Arbor. I thought it might be a sign; through the remainder of my ride to work, the rest of the animals spoke differently to me, but as i speak neither squirrel nor bird nor chipmunk nor turtle, i was uncertain what they were warning me of.

Later, as i was walking home around midnight, a car parked about 10 feet in front of me and a pretty young woman in a nice black dress jumped out. At first i didn't look at her, she was going 'uhh, uhh' (though not loudly) and waving her hands. As i passed i glanced over and realised she was trying to get my attention. So i stopped and she came over and in a very low voice and barely understandable words and a smattering of what i believe was sign language she asked me for money. She seemed deaf, hence the sign language and her awkward voice.

It's been about 12 years since i gave a stranger money; i'm used to the regular scams - "i need bus money to get to Ypsi/Detroit/NYC", "ran out of gas on the highway, look i even have a small gas container", "i need drugs, man" - and ignore them. But her story was different and i couldn't figure out with certainty that she was scamming me. I gave her $6 and then tried testing her, asking if that was enough and implying i would give more, figuring that a scammer would leap at the opportunity. But she just said that she was so worried, thanked me and hugged me (i was cautious and checked afterwards, nothing missing) at which point i also realised she smelled good (nice perfume) and her clothes were clean - unlike AA most scammers/panhandlers.

Since she was worried about running out of gas i pointed out the nearest gas station, about a block away, and then she thanked me some more, got back in the car and drove off. I sat down across the street from the gas station but did not see her car pull up (she would have had to circle around the block to do so). Possibly she went to a different station on her route home, but i am left wondering whether or not it was a scam - i'm at 80% certainty it was, what do you think?

If i'm right that it was a scam, i'm also thinking that the black squirrel may have been a warning. But in retrospect the squirrel may have had a different message - the squirrel that lives in the first tree behind my house has been missing for a few days (i gather nuts and leave them in one spot for him, normally he eats them up but the ones i've left the past few days are still there) and i think maybe the Black Squirrel of Death showed itself to me to let me know my friend is gone.

Greek

Three weeks ago i hit a squirrel while biking to work. Maybe it hit me, i'm not sure. I turned a corner in a park, the landscaping prevented me from seeing the two squirrels, one ran away up a tree, one started running away, switched back and hit my wheel. I stopped, went back looking for a body, but both were in the tree, loudly complaining to me. The birds quickly carried the news down my path to work and all the other animals i normally say hi to stayed away, even the groundhog that just moved into the new place down by the bridge.

Tonight, on my way home from my mother's, i narrowly missed stepping on a little lost field mouse. It didn't move out of the way, stood in the driveway as if it were paralyzed. I gently bumped it with my foot and it jumped forward a bit. Thinking it was either sick, outcast or poisoned, i fetched the closest container (an old film tank, does anyone remember those?) and placed the mouse inside, along with some food.

An hour later the mouse was dead.





Didn't feel right just dumping the mouse out, so i weaved it a funeral basket out of a paper bag, added some food to help it on the way, and buried it in my mom's back yard.

Insert here some meaningful comment about how we live, how we die, and who notices and cares.

Data

I enjoy using and perusing the CIA World Factbook on a regular basis; its intelligence has come in handy over the past few years. One feature i've always wanted is to graph any of the Factbook's data in any manner. Unfortunately, for comparative purposes, the Factbook only contains a limited number of lists and no easy way to access all of its data in a programmatic fashion. I've wanted to cross-compare different stats as well as generate and compare derived stats. Towards this goal, i've created a proof of concept graphing engine for the Factbook.


Internet users as a percent of population



HIV/AIDS - adult prevalence rate

These two examples of the graphs generated show the kind of comparisons that can be made. I wrote a couple scripts to download and parse the Factbook country pages, then insert the data into some MySQL tables. Then there's one more script that gets the data and generates google chart urls and displays those images and the data.



So far i've found the resulting data visualization fun and interesting. I'm also hoping that data mining the information will be equally fun and interesting.

Literally, Literature

Before going on my last vacation, i meant to write something about another article i'm quoted in. If you read that article, you'll note that i am quoted as having twice repeated a 5-word phrase: "we have this new functionality". This got me wondering, how often do i repeat myself?

After going on my last vacation, i parsed through all my blog postings - all postings back to 2004 - to see how many other 5-word phrases i've repeated, and how often i've repeated them. What follows is a list of all 5 (or more) word phrases i've repeated, and where i've repeated them. Hopefully i will be able to contemplate their ocurrences before repeating myself for another article i'm quoted in.

have i mentioned how nice it is to
why do i keep watching french flicks
to respond in one of two ways
the shot down planes and missiles
what ingredients are used in the
towards the end of the day
just before anyone was around to
if i don't talk too much
had a shell length of
script that prints the last
is my screensaver running at
when i got into work
to catch the 30 minute
if i had my way
of the time that i
i got to move a
and then mention the $10
here is a montage of
walked around town at around
some places a little too
and the phrase you know

On the Nature of the Universe

A friend of mine said she never saw turtles in Gallup Park, so while going to work over the past few days i've taken photos of turtles i've spotted in order to form a turtle-spotting tutorial.







Sometimes turtles like to sunbathe on a log, looking much like an odd-shaped stump raised off the main trunk, and with a little branch sticking up. Sometimes they float or swim in the river, sticking just their head out and looking like a very shiny broken branch of a submerged trunk. They are a little skittish in the water and are likely to dive if approached; keep your eyes on them as you walk towards them so you can watch them scurry into the water.

The smallest turtle i've seen in Gallup had a shell length of 1.5" (3.8cm), the largest had a shell length of 15" (38cm). I've seen one soft-shelled snout-nosed turtle, but the majority look like what i consider a "standard" turtle. I have yet to see any turtles wielding hammers in Gallup.




The above photograph is a test; the turtle should be fairly easy to spot.




This bird is included because it recently started chillin' by the side of the bike path through Gallup.

Sounds

Walking home at 4am, hearing the wind whisper through the old Y.

Names

Walked the same path to work that i've biked for years, but this time i noticed the bridge's plaque. On the southeast abutment of US 23 over Huron is the bridge's dedication plaque. It is 100' away from the path through Gallup Park and there is no path closer to it - yes, placed in a non-prominent position, away from all pedestrian traffic, only to be seen if someone on 23 happens to blow a tire by that spot, walk over to the side of the bridge to take a leak, and happen to look up at the plaque on the abutment. Some 1000 years from now a future archaeologist might uncover this plaque and place our road comissioner's name among the likes of MAGRIPPA, but for now, park-goers will not know those names.

Keeping it Real

The wind fought me to a standstill at times, but i decided today was not the day i'd give in to mere nature. It wasn't really gusting that bad - on the way back, the wind warned me with sound before bumping me around. Had i been looking up i'd have seen the gusts first, then heard, then felt. And if my body were more finely attuned to gravity, perhaps i'd have instantly felt the change before even seeing it, but only if that one smart guy was wrong.

Travel Plans

In Italy, and all i can think about is how much i'd rather be in Mexico or Zambia. Still, Rome is a nice enough place.

Yes, i wear Matterhorns

The knock is quiet at first, but quickly grows louder, more urgent. An old friend is at the door, and wishes to come in.



At first she doesn't look so familiar - new haircut, new outfit, new pose - but after a couple blinks, i remember who she is. Let's sit down, reacquaint ourselves, catch up, where've you been? I missed you! Slowly, we'll regain depth into each other.

----

The math was a bit tricky at first, a lot of second guessing myself, but eventually i knew i was on the right path once i had distracted myself enough to programatically draw the above image (yes, the dissolve is deliberate). Perhaps if i had had the discipline to make it through college, then the math would have flown naturally from my fingers, and calculating the x's and y's would have been as easy as drooling. Instead, it took me a day.

But slowly, tenuously, carefully, i've started my way back to thinking in 3d. Eventually i hope to have lifted myself from a blank mind back to a well-rounded consciousness.

Yearly

Was considering wearing a smile all day today, but thought that costume might be a bit too weird for most of my coworkers, not to mention it would likely really, really scare me as well. And also, given other events, a smile didn't seem all that appropriate.

Goodbye.

Not really new(s), but you'll read this anyways

In other news, i believe i'm getting B's in my classes, which seems silly as i feel i've only learned about a D or low C - which itself is silly as i've only gone through about 20% of the available material, and only remember about 50% of that. By that standard i should be scoring a low F. But for now i'm rated as a B, and i might be making a higher mark if i didn't criticize my instructors' teaching style at every opportunity (nah, can't be it).

As i missed my 4-week deadline for dropping out of class, my current plan is to fail out in a month, right around my birthday, as by then i will be in Bosnia. Yes, as of last weekend i've bought my ticket to Bucharest. Not sure how i'll be able to complete course work while on vacation, but i'll be happy to see the statue.

Morale Milestone

Yesterday - pay day - and my paycheck finally exceeded one of my self-imposed meaningless milestones. As i walked downtown to celebrate last night, and being rather tired of all the past weeks' work, i threw my pocket change into the streets, hoping to speed on the inevitable, but today awoke to find our collective face still covered. Perhaps, given the last few weeks' long hours, Bosch would argue that i'm rather close to the right-side of some of his drawings, and thus my money-throwing was a little late.

After the night's celebration, had some trouble getting back to business today, as i've had all week. Pondering my morning breath, i realised i might be using my spices the wrong way. So while watching football this afternoon, i came up with a solution - a banner to boost my morale and willingness to work:



If this helps, perhaps i'll come up with a series of encouraging slogans and change it up once a month or so.

Attacks

The first attack came at dawn, a sudden thrust at my head, but this initial foray was quickly crushed. The second attack came by night a few days later, and this time they were much sneakier, the blitz from below, striking deeply and leaving wounds for a week. The third strike again came in the morning light - the enemy, bolstered by previous success, lead a full frontal assault, with all their might and power. The end result: their End left in my forehead. I immediately stopped and shook the attacker out of my helmet and finished the remaining miles to work. In the mirror, i saw the remnants of their assault - a full 4 millimeters of stinger in my skin, half their rear, and what i will assume is their poison sac, fully depleted, having run through my veins the past 5 miles:


bee stinger i pulled from my forehead, on a Czech 50 koruna for scale


closeup of same

I Say Go

I say hello, and how are you, just as i learned on my last vacation. The standard brief babbling, then she says, "we are so blessed, this life, it's a blessing, and so often we don't even realise it."

I assume she's a religious fanatic - who quips such nonsense when selling coffee? A nervous twittering in my mind, we end in some simplistic comments, "hopefully you'll still feel that way at the end of the day."

Religious fanatics - a quarter block away, they sometimes gather to yell at us all, saving our souls by screaming of the glory of their god, but only when the weather's nice; on those -20 days, as i cycle by that corner on my way to work, they're not to be seen, back in their caves? What is the standard hibernation period of a righteous freak?

Exit the cafe, past the corner, on to the park on the way to work. It always is quite a day through the park, never know what birds i'll see, how many snakes, or snails, count the rabbits, perhaps a fox, some deer, sparkling white snow, deep puddles of rain, singing ice, sometimes a challenging rain. It is quite nice, yes, perhaps even a blessing, just to go to work.

I'm reminded of my father's words, the first time he visited MI after he started working in Iraq (in 1994): "it is so peaceful here." I wonder, perhaps she knows a little more, perhaps she simply meant it as an expression of truth.

Death Be Not Proud

We lost another one to their Plague.

First it finished off our fastest runners, then it shocked our slowest into submission, today it took away our transports. We've been abandoned, doomed, marked for extinction. And still our leader paints desperate slogans on the walls - "DO NOT ABANDON HOPE" - "HELP EXISTS" - "THE STRONG SURVIVE". These fool few. It is the end times; the Old Guard is gone, and from the distant shores comes the distinctive shouting of The Outsiders, ready to consume our decaying souls.

How many more will fall? We hope, we pray, we wish, we cry out that some will make it through, that some will strive for life beyond the Plague, and yet, we wonder - if we survive, what kind of life will this be, underneath The Outsiders? It is guaranteed that, on the surface, our society will change. And thus we hope that inside we can remain the same.

The Outsiders - long have we heard of their existence, seen glimpses of their shapes, felt the weight of their approaching burdens. But every day we doubted, every day we blinded ourselves to the leader's stubbornness, every day we wistfully ignored every sign, every scent, every sound of the oncoming Plague Years. If only we had prepared, if only we had cared.

Is it too late? The leader would have us believe we can overcome, we can mend, we can carry on. But it is too dismal a reality, too impossible to fall so blindly to not realise our approaching demise. This world is gone.

---

Yes, it is time to get new bike tires, flip-flops, and backpack.
It is truly tragic.

Warning Labels

I saw this girl walking around campus with a butterfly on her ass - not on the pocket or side of her jeans, but sewn in right in the middle of her rear. If she farts, does she cause monsoons in Southeast Asia? Maybe the butterfly was a warning label - don't scare her lest people die. Maybe her flatulence is the key to our missile defense program - surely those butterfly wings could knock down Jong-il's ICBM's during their boost phase. Whatever the effect, i made sure to keep my distance and not make any sudden moves.

Speaking of warning labels, the other day i got a bright yellow card titled HAZARD WARNING CARD in the mail. The only information on the card was my address listed in the Describe the Hazard section and an old tenant's name listed in the Recommended Precautions section. No number to call, no sign of who it's from, just a variety of cryptic form information, like PS Form 1766, April 1986 and (Case in front of mail for address or location where hazard exists. Do not deliver this form.). A number of phone calls later i find out it's from the Post Office, and it's their way of informing the post-deliverer that the listed name at the listed address has had a change of address and so no mail for that person should be delivered there. The bright yellow card and bold text is supposed to really get the deliverer's attention, and the card itself is not to be delivered, but to remain in the deliverer's satchel. Was a nice adventure, figuring that one out.

Situation & Perspective

If you knew more about my life then you'd understand why it was relevant that a certain someone happened upon me today, and why the comments about that from other certain someones are relevant. As is, i could reveal those and not have them mean anything. How do i capture what i was reading, add that to what i had been feeling, mix in what i had been doing, and only then touch it up with desire, impact, and actuality, and still end up with a digestible story? I'm no English major; some stories and events of my life will only exist within the realm of personal reality. Otherwise, all our blogs are but words in the ether to the majority of people, like, you know what i mean?

Other stories exist outside the realm of situation and perspective, or require such little situation and perspective that the story is easily relayed in a couple paragraphs (how my brother taught me mistrust is one such story).

Perhaps some day aspects of all the stories i am unable to fully convey will melt their way into one giant, perfect story. Perhaps i'll say reality is how we remember it and how it affects us; science is what actually happened.

I'm no scientist, but one day i'd like to be a badass storyteller.